Saturday, March 29, 2008

The Fair Maidens’ Lament

Gather ye ’round as I tell the tale,
Of neighbors and noises,
Bed springs and toddlers,
A deliquent son now sprung from jail.

Gather ye quick, lest ye not be warned,
Of the peace and quiet that now is mourned.

For once there lived two maidens fair,
Who sought a living space to share.

An apartment was found, in a quiet ’hood,
The price was right, the size was good,

And all was well for quite a while,
They cooked and cleaned and furnished with style.

All was well, until the day
The neighbor’s grandkids came to stay.

Two young urchins, fond of games,
"No!" and "Stop That!" were their names.

From down below, it’s quite easy to hear,
Each whine and shriek doth pierce the ear.

The little girl wails and cries in woe,
In response, her grandmother screams out, "No!"

The boy makes a racket with toy and with ball,
"Stop that!" is grandmother’s shrill pleading call.

But alas, our tale has just begun,
For next we have... the neighbor’s son.

Released from prison quite recently,
Residing with mother indefinitely.

A man best described as "ghetto trash,"
Smoking out the window, flicking ash.

Resplendently garbed in his best wife beater,
His sexcapades heard through the vents of the heater.

Each moan, each sigh, each squeak, each gasp,
Each thump of the headboard his girlfriend doth grasp.

There seems no end to the fair maidens’ strife,
For they seek but to lead a most peaceful life.

So they grit their teeth and they roll their eyes,
Each time they hear the urchins’ cries.

They plug their ears and try to ignore
When grandmother yells at the urchins more.

And they raise the volume of their TV,
When the springs of the bed creak rhythmically.

Will the maidens ever find their peace?
Will the landlord extend the grandmother’s lease?

For now, the fair maidens must deal with their fate,
They’ve signed a year’s lease, so now it’s too late.

So they smile upon passing a neighbor in the hall...
And they keep their fridge stocked with some good alcohol.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Because I was really in the mood to deal with THIS.

We live in the apartment from hell. I just want to put that out there for anyone who feels like being sympathetic.

As most of you already know, if you’ve been following the saga since Sam and I moved into this apartment in October, we have already had to deal with the following things:

Water heater leak in the cellar... started as a drip (which is when Sam called our landlord) and progressed into a river (when he failed to show up to fix it) which resulted in no hot water one very brisk November morning. Cold showers are not fun. And the water heater had to be replaced.

Water leak in the kitchen. This one happened over our refrigerator, but it came from a faulty ice maker in our upstairs neighbor’s fridge. It was a slow leak that eventually built up enough water to force itself down our wall, under the paint. Made a very interesting looking bubble, until we touched it to see what it was. After a few days, the water dripped more constantly, causing all the paint in one area of the ceiling to disintegrate and fall off. The landlord came to "fix it," and it did stop... for a few weeks. When it started again, he sent his nephew to do something to stop it. It worked... but it lead to...

Water leak in the kitchen. This time over our sink. Turns out when the nephew turned off the ice maker, he did something else that caused another leak. This one dripped for about two months in various spots over the sink. The wood over the sink and over the window is now warped and damaged as a result, and the windowsill paint is bubbled and cracked and stained a weird brownish-rust color in some spots. But that has since stopped dripping, which is a relief. We were running out of Tupperware to catch the drips.

Then there’s the toilet. In my 29 years of living with my parents, I may have needed to use a plunger twice. Since we moved into this apartment, we got so much use out of our plunger that we eventually had to upgrade to a no-nonsense black rubber industrial strength plunger. (Which kinda sucks, because the old one matched the toilet brush.) About a month ago, the toilet backed up for seemingly no reason, and after an hour of plunging (no exaggeration), the water didn’t move. My father came and tried, to no avail. Our landlord was called, and his nephew came out with a plumbing snake... five minutes later, problem solved.

We have one washing machine in the basement that we have to share with our upstairs neighbor and her deliquent son (he’s another story for another time). So it’s not a good thing when that one washing machine is out of order. A few weeks ago, the basin next to the washing machine backed up so much that the water overflowed and spilled onto the floor. I had to take my laundry to my parents house to do, which is just a bit of an inconvenience. Eventually it drained on its own. When our landlord came out one weekend to check our water leak in the kitchen, he also checked the basin and said it was fine. Which it was, for about two weeks. But I just went down to check my laundry and found water all over the floor, a basin full of water, and my clothes still sitting in about 6 inches of water in the machine. I had to wring them by hand before putting them in the dryer (and they’ll probably take forever to dry... which means I’ll have to spend an extra dollar to run the dryer again). Now my shirt is wet and my hands are cold from the water and I can’t do any more laundry tonight. BOO.

Also, our kitchen sink has backed up twice while we were using the garbage disposal. That’s not a very big deal, but when you factor in the toilet and the wash basin, it might mean there’s a problem with the pipes somewhere.

I’m not much of a complainer. And when I do complain, it’s usually good-natured. But this is getting ridiculous. I’m at my breaking point. My stomach is upset and I need to eat something so I don’t feel more sick and all I wanted was a quiet evening of watching "Ghost Hunters" and folding laundry. GRRRRRR.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

I did it!

Okay, so I used the Sunday cheat... but I still gave up myspace for 40 days! In the beginning, it was definitely a hardship. I was SO tempted to sign on to see if I had any comments, invitations or messages. But as Lent went on, I began to miss myspace less and less. I still felt out of the loop, but the need to sign on wasn’t as pressing as it had been initially.

Anyway... Happy Easter, everyone! Or as we say in Ukrainian... Khrystos voskres! (Which means, "Christ is risen!") I spent the weekend at my parents’ house. I dyed Easter eggs and baked a rum cake... and then I helped my mother take two baskets of food to church to get blessed. I found out recently that not everyone does this, lol. It’s a Polish tradition... each food in the basket represents something special for Easter. Our baskets were filled with ham, salt, horseradish, kielbasa, babka (yeast bread with raisins... after it’s blessed, it’s called paska), dyed eggs, and a butter lamb (which we made using a lamb mold). Mmmm... yummy....

My Easter started early... with Mass, of course... and then a big breakfast with my parents (using some of the food we had gotten blessed yesterday). After that, I cleaned some stuff out of my old bedroom and then took a little catnap. Later, we had Easter dinner at my mom’s cousin’s house. It was a typical family dinner: loud and crowded. Doug and Kyle (my 16 year-old godson) brought their guitars, so there was some singing (something I sorely miss now that Doug and I aren’t living at home anymore). It was a fun time, but I was so glad to finally get back to the apartment. Peace and quiet... my own bed... pure bliss!

I had way too much caffeine tonight, so I’m trying to unwind by watching some TV and drinking a small amount of brandy (which is also keeping me toasty warm!). And soon... bedtime!

Hope everyone had a great day! Don’t eat too much Easter candy!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Religion lessons from the bar

Last night a bunch of us went out to celebrate Dooner's birthday (damn youngin', lol). We started with dinner at Great American and then headed to Knights' Tavern to see Chris' band play. It was there that Dooner shared his theory about Zombie Jesus. Apparently the whole "rising from the dead" thing sounds a little like "Night of the Living Dead" to him. Who knew? Rich then argued that Jesus couldn't be a zombie because when he rose from the dead, he went straight to heaven. At that point, I had to step in as the voice of authority (aka - Catholic school teacher) and correct both of them. Apparently Rich's years spent in Catholic school were all for naught... he'd completely forgotten that Jesus spent 40 days on Earth before ascending into heaven. Okay... I'll let that go. However, he also forgot that we always had the day off for Ascension Thursday. Not just a made up holiday, my friend. At any rate, we all had a good laugh over it.

Saint Patrick's Day is tomorrow! Sam and I spent all day in the kitchen whipping up all sorts of tasty Irish treats for a party we're going to. She made Afternoon Tea Scones, clotted cream, and strawberry jam (all from scratch!). I made Irish Potatoes, and I cut up a variety of green veggies to be enjoyed with spinach dip. I'm looking forward to eating some ham and cabbage with soda bread.

Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh!

And may you be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows you're dead!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

A reminder

On my fridge, there is a note... written in pencil, in the careful printing of a first grader: "Miss M, you are so pretty. From, Isaiah."

You know... in case I forget.