A Snow Day done right.

I don't know if it's just people on the East Coast (or maybe just people in Philly) but as soon as the word "snow" leaves a weather forecaster's lips, all hell breaks loose. For days before the predicted storm (and I'm not exaggerating here), all we talk about is snow:

How much will we get? When will it start? Will it change to rain? Will it freeze over? Remember last year's storm? I thought they said we weren't supposed to get as much as last year! I wonder if schools will be closed.

It becomes an obsession. People rush the stores for bread, milk and eggs - snow makes people crave French toast, it seems. And rock salt is nowhere to be found.

Sometime last week (after having 2 days of two hour delays for our city's schools), rumors began to circulate about a storm hitting on Wednesday. The weird thing was that every website and news channel was reporting a different story. And they were being very wishy-washy about the details. I heard 4-8 inches. I heard rain changing to snow changing to rain. I heard the snow would stop by midnight. Right before I went to bed, I heard 6-12 inches. We got 16. It snowed through the night and by this morning, I could barely see my car.

My car @ 12:30 AM

Since I'm an old pro at this snow day thing, I planned in advance. Over the weekend, I had to do some grocery shopping. While I was there, I made sure to stock up on the essentials: toilet paper, ingredients for chicken noodle soup, milk, eggs... the usual. Oh, and I found a 25 pound bag of rock salt... SCORE!

Yesterday the schools dismissed at noon because of the weather, so I got home nice and early. I started a big pot of homemade chicken soup for dinner. I spent my night chatting with other teacher friends on Facebook and making predictions about a snow day... and then celebrating when the school district called it at 10 PM. Then I got to stay up a little later than usual, so I chatted with a friend online and caught up on a few episodes of "Big Love" on DVD.

This morning I slept in, then made a big snow day breakfast: banana multigrain pancakes, bacon, chicken apple sausage, and chocolate raspberry coffee. Then I tackled the shoveling... and a neighbor helped me dig out my car, which was awesome.

I spent the rest of the afternoon doing random things just for the hell of it. I baked apple bread, gave myself a manicure, watched a few more episodes of "Big Love," read my book club book, and talked to my best friend on the phone. Dinner was leftover chicken soup (always better the second day!)... dessert was apple bread (YUM) and a glass of white wine.

By 6:45 PM, the school district had already called a snow day for tomorrow, so I can have another glass of wine and go to bed without setting my alarm. Sweet deal.

I know we'll probably have to make up these snow days later in the school year, but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I got an unexpected long weekend and I'm going to enjoy it :)

Thoughts on Facebook

Facebook.

It's a noun - "I checked Facebook before I went to work."

It's a verb - "I'll Facebook you later."

It's an adjective - "We need a Facebook picture!"

It's a social network. It's an obsession.

But honestly, I think it's one of the best things to come out of the internet in a long time.

Aside from having the potential to be a complete time-waster, Facebook brings people together. Since I joined a few years ago, I have been reunited with people I thought I'd never see again. I've rekindled old friendships and built new ones. I saw pictures of myself that I forgot even existed. (Hmmm... maybe that last one isn't such a good thing...)

For me, Facebook's value lies in the sense of community that it offers. If I'm having a bad day, there are people to cheer me up. If I need advice, it only takes seconds to get an opinion. Friends can keep in touch with me from all over the world. It's an amazing thing. Thanks to Facebook, I'm in a bookclub again, we've resurrected Game Night, and many of the plans I've had this month have involved people I haven't seen in years.

Sure... some people share a little TOO much on Facebook. (Do we really need to know how many times your baby pooped today?) And some people use Facebook to bitch and complain every time they update their status. I try to avoid those people.

I like to think of Facebook as my own personal support group. My mom and my cousin were teasing me yesterday, because I like to put the details of my workout as my Facebook status: "I walked 3.5 miles!" I don't think of it as bragging. I think of it as motivation. If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you know I've always had trouble making exercise a priority. By putting it on Facebook, I get the support of friends and family, which motivates me to keep going. (I know I should be self-motivated, but I'm not quite there yet. It's a process.)

So... do you Facebook? Is it a way to kill time, or do you actually see some genuine value in it?

100

A friend recently challenged me to make a list. She once read an article in Oprah magazine that advised women who are looking for love to create a list of the 100 things they are looking for in a life mate. My friend called her own list "eye opening and thought provoking."

I have yet to pick up a pencil to make my own list. I've been giving it some thought, though. You know how much I love my lists... and above all, I'm curious to see if I can actually find 100 things to put on there.

The first things that went through my mind are sort of the obvious ones:

• makes me laugh
• has a good job
• has financial security
• intelligent
• honest
• reliable
• gets along with my family

Then I started to wonder if I should make those a little more detailed. Take "intelligent," for example. Do I want to specify level of education? Is a masters degree a must? How picky am I allowed to be here? Realistically, if I met a man who had 99 out of the 100 qualities, I don't think I'd kick him to the curb because he only has a bachelor's degree. Or whatever. But since it's my list, I guess I should go for the ideal.

The next qualities that popped into my head were a little more frivolous:

• enjoys sports (preferably hockey and baseball, but football is okay, too)
• likes dogs
• wants to travel
• has similar (but not identical) taste in music

I questioned whether or not to put this stuff on the list. Is it too petty? These things aren't deal breakers, obviously. Then again, I have 100 spaces. I'm gonna have to fill them somehow.

And then there are the practical things:

• cooks
• helps with household chores
• is organized and responsible
• is good with kids (in case we have any of our own)
• can fix things/enjoys home repair projects
• wants to live within reasonable driving distance of Philadelphia (unless I fall in love with a man who lives in another state/country, in which case we'd have to discuss further)

You see how I automatically started qualifying and categorizing my choices? Typical of me. And honestly, I'm not sure I see the point in making a list like this. That's one thing my friend didn't mention. What do I do with this after I'm done? Stick it in my diary and forget about it? Is this something that I'm going to refer to later? Am I honestly going to pull this list out on a 5th date and start checking things off? Or maybe it's just for my own personal benefit. A tool to help me focus on the qualities that are important to me.

Anyway... I think I'm going to continue working on the list. I wanna see if I can get to 100. I think once I get past the obvious stuff, things are gonna get interesting.

Zen and the Art of Dog Walking.

I visit my parents every Wednesday for dinner, and since I get there before they get home from work, I take the dog for a walk.

Tasha is a master of manipulation. If something happens once (i.e., she gets a treat after relieving herself), she expects it every time. Her new trick is to dance around by the back door and insist that she has to go out. Once she's out there, God knows what she actually does. She doesn't have to pee, because she was JUST walked. But she knows full well that if she comes in from out back and runs to the closet where treats are kept, she'll get a little snack. As my mother says, "Well, sometimes she goes. So she knows she gets a treat when she does." Manipulation, I tells ya!

A few weeks ago, I came to walk her and decided to take her to the woods behind the houses across the street. She was in her glory. So now every Wednesday when I come to walk her, she immediately pulls me down the street to the corner, and refuses to squat until we cross the street and head for the woods. I suppose that one was my fault. I really don't mind doing it... I just think it's amazing that she not only remembers, but expects, that I will take her back to the Land of Many Good Smells.

So it has become our little ritual. We both get some fresh air and exercise. Tasha gets to stalk squirrels. I get to enjoy the scenery (and I'm not referring to the beer cans). It's win-win.

Balance!

True to my word, I've been accepting invitations left and right. I've seen people that I haven't seen in ages. I'm going places I've never gone before. And it's only January 19th. By the time December rolls around, I'm gonna be exhausted, but damn happy :)

The downside to being so busy is that I haven't been making time for exercise. And that ain't cool. I used to dread exercising, but now I look at it as a fantastic stress release (and you gotta love those endorphins!). So if I don't make time for walking, working out, whatever... the stress of planning and socializing will start to build up. And then all hell breaks loose. Kablooey. (I'm not really sure if that's what it sounds like when hell breaks loose. I'm taking creative license here.)

Can I form a sub-goal for my confidence goal? I think that sub-goal should be balance. Sometimes when I get a new interest, I neglect other things. I need to make sure that even though I'm busy going places and seeing people, I still take time to eat right, blog, write in my journal and exercise. Oh, and sleep more than 5 hours. I suck at that.

One more thing... I would like to formally dedicate this blog post to my procrastination assistant, Mr. Joe Silva. I started writing this blog about 2 hours ago and then got interrupted by him with an online conversation that involved houseplants, nail clippings, and Bob Ross's happy little trees. Apparently I can't balance chatting and blogging. My attention span gave out and I chose human interaction over blogging. I'll try to be more focused next time :)

the WHOOSH factor.

Confidence comes from within... well it should, anyway. But every now and then an external confidence boost is an amazing thing. Those little moments can do wonders for faltering self esteem. I can think of certain compliments that have kept me on an emotional high for days. I think the key is balance. If the opinions of others were the only thing that made me happy, then I wouldn't really be meeting my goal of improving my self-confidence.

Every once in awhile I have one of those days when I accomplish something (which makes me feel good) and then it gets recognized by someone else (which makes me feel better) and then it's like WHOOSH! Rush of pride, rush of self esteem, rush of endorphins... call it what you want, but it's a great feeling. And it doesn't upset the balance. Most of my warm fuzzies still came from within, and the boost I got from other people was just a nice bonus.

Today I had to co-present at a faculty meeting at one of my schools. (Topic: "Writing in Math." Try to contain your excitement.) My co-worker designed the presentation, even though I offered numerous times to help out. She's rather territorial about these things. But she did ask me to choose a book to read to the teachers that could be used to teach/introduce a math concept to a class. Since my only other job was to advance the slides on her powerpoint presentation (snore), I decided to take my small role seriously. Earlier this week, I found a book, brainstormed ideas and created a handout... and this morning at the presentation, I read with all the expression and enthusiasm of a first grade teacher (old habits die hard), engaged my audience, lead a lively discussion, and then took my seat, ready to advance to the next slide for my co-worker.

At the end of the presentation, participants were asked to fill out an evaluation... and when I read them, I was surprised and pleased to see that almost all of the teachers mentioned my activity as the most important thing they got out of the presentation. My little 10 minute piece made more of an impact than the 40 powerpoint slides and 80 minutes of talking that my co-worker did. I'm not saying her portion was boring or useless... but even though she had the bulk of the presentation, my piece was meaningful and memorable enough to be mentioned in the evaluation.

WHOOSH!

Yeah... that was some good stuff.

We all enjoy when we get a compliment or recognition. So the way I see it, if it feels good to receive a compliment, it's got to feel just as good to give one. As I work on my own self-confidence this year, I'm going to make it a point to give others a sincere boost whenever the opportunity presents itself. We love to complain when things aren't going the way we want... bad service at a restaurant, cashier who forgot to ring up the sale price... but we often miss out on chances to tell someone when they're doing something well.

So... Pay a compliment. Recognize an effort. Praise thoughtfulness. Thank someone. Acknowledge hard work.

The WHOOSH factor. Make it happen.

Let it snow!

It's probably too late for me to be writing a new blog, especially since my Wednesday-Thursday school starts at 7:45 AM. But it's been snowing all night and it's supposed to snow straight through until the morning. We might have a snow day or we might just have a delayed opening... but the anticipation of a possible day off makes me giddy. I know that I still have to go out and shovel, and I know that if we use too many snow days we'll have to make them up in June. That doesn't stop me from wishing it would happen.

As I've gotten older I've noticed that there are less things to get excited about than there used to be. When we were kids, Christmas was a magical time... Santa Claus and presents and days off from school to play with all the new toys. Birthdays meant parties and gifts, a cake decorated with favorite cartoon characters, balloons and streamers in the living room. And snow days were filled with sledding, snowmen, hot chocolate and (best of all) no school or homework.

I still celebrate Christmas and birthdays and every other holiday... but in a different way. I still enjoy those holidays, but I appreciate them more because I know how much work goes into making them happen. Sometimes I think it would be nice to relive one more Halloween and go trick-or-treating in my Smurfette costume. Or one more Strawberry Shortcake birthday party (complete with themed favor bags for my guests). Or one more roller skating party at the Palace.

At least I think I would. But then again, maybe not.

When I imagine having a snow day now, I don't think about sledding or snowmen. I've become one of those grown-ups who glares at the kids for throwing snowballs while they wait for the school bus. You couldn't pay me to go outside and make snow angels. (I can say this because I don't have kids. I know all the mommies out there are just itching to roll around in the cold, wet snow with their little darlings. More power to ya, sisters.) My idea of a perfect snow day consists of hot coffee, bad daytime television, comfy clothes, and a chance to take a mid-afternoon nap... just because I can.

Bring it on, Mother Nature. I'm ready :)

"Sucking the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone."

My January weekends are pretty darn full, thanks to my decision to accept as many invitations as possible. For example, this past Saturday I was invited to a martini party (which unfortunately got cancelled due to snow), and I saw the Philadelphia Orchestra perform Mozart's Requiem on Sunday. Simply breathtaking.

When I made the resolution to improve my social life and accept invitations, I was only thinking of planned events... parties, sporting events, dinners, etc. I never thought about the spur of the moment plans. Here's the thing: I like planning. I like making plans ahead of time, knowing what to expect, being prepared. The idea of spontaneity appeals to me in a "Dead Poet's Society," carpe diem kinda way, but since the very definition of "spontaneous" involves a lack of planning, I never quite got the hang of it.

So this weekend I wound up with an opportunity for spontaneous plans two night in a row (both times with the same person, lol). It didn't occur to me to turn the plans down. Maybe that's a sign of me becoming more flexible. I don't even know if that's a good thing. Being spontaneous is outside of my comfort zone, so I'm going to say it's a good thing. Branching out is good. Staying in my hole is not good. Even if it's warm and cozy in there.

Confidence building is tricky business. There are times when I feel like I'm forcing it to happen. I wake up and I look in the mirror and I start finding things wrong with the way I look (although, in my defense, no one looks good when they roll outta bed in the morning). And then I catch myself being negative and try the positive instead. I guess I could argue that I'm trying to unlearn a bad habit by doing that... but how long will it take before that kind of thing comes naturally? When will I stop second guessing myself? I'm just having trouble finding my balance. And as a Libra, that's not a good thing. I like everything evened out... I want everyone happy. (Even if it means I don't get exactly what I want. You can see why putting myself first has been such a struggle in the past...)

I'm certainly not saying that all of my good moods are fake. In fact, most of the time tricking myself into confidence actually works. It's those few quiet minutes in my day, when I have time to myself... that's when it all breaks down. That's when I think this was a bad idea. And those few moments of doubt can be so much stronger than the hours of confidence. Sometimes it feels like I undo everything I've accomplished when I let myself entertain those thoughts. I'm my own worst enemy that way.

Fuck it. I'm gonna have to push past it and get through this.

The write stuff.

Come on... don't you love the punny goodness in the title?

I'm obsessed with lists. That's no secret. I'm always making lists. My lists have lists. I've said it before: a friend from grad school once told me that if she ever needed to get me a present, it would be a notebook for all my lists :)

My bad habit is that I write something down and then somehow misplace the paper. On the plus side, my brain is wired to remember something better after I've written it down. (That's how I used to study in college... write everything on index cards, color code them, and then when it came time to take the test, I'd somehow remember where it was written and what color it was underlined in. Major genius? Or major geekiness?)

That's why New Year's resolutions appeal to me so much. I write things down, I categorize them, I make bullet points for each listing. I honestly think that last year's resolutions worked so well for me because I posted them on this blog. Even if I never looked at them again, I knew they were out there, in the blogosphere. Maybe that made me feel accountable... I don't know. But whatever it was, it worked.

So I've noticed lately that a lot of people are posting (or talking about) things they want to do sometime in their life. Not necessarily a list of New Year's resolutions... more of a bucket list. (I really don't like that expression though.) And since my goal for the year is Confidence, I thought about all the things I've always wanted to do, but never got around to doing. I've been working on a mental list for the past few days. It's still in the beginning stages, but I think it'll be good.

Once I post the list (which will be soon, I promise), I think I'll feel obligated to acknowledge it. It's kind of exciting. I feel like I'm giving myself permission to be selfish, and I'm trying hard not to feel guilty about it. (Once a Catholic school teacher, always a Catholic school teacher... lol...)

Some things on the list are simple... some are extravagant. All will make me a happy.

I think that's really all that matters here. Being confident means feeling good about myself. As I explained it to my father tonight, "It's the year of ME. I'm always doing things for other people... now I want to make myself happy." Of course that doesn't mean I'll stop doing things for others. I just want to be more aware of where I rank on my list of priorities. I deserve to be at the top of someone's list, don't I? So why not my own? And why not now?

Gettin' busy.

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."

- Dale Carnegie

My social calendar for January is rapidly filling. What I like about it is that I have different types of events planned with different types of people. Instead of sticking to the same old thing, I'm branching out as much as I can. So when I came across this quote on a blog I read, I thought it was perfect for me.

In the coming weeks, I'll be going to a post-Christmas martini party, a performance of Mozart's "Requiem," a swap party (a great way to declutter!), game night, a book club meeting, a Blackthorn concert (hopefully), and dinner at a restaurant during Restaurant Week! (That last one is something that has been on my to-do list for ages, so I'm pretty excited!) Oh, and I'm hosting a Tastefully Simple party.

So yeah... I think Dale Carnegie would be proud ;-)

The other resolutions

Before I came up with The Confidence Goal, I started making a list of resolutions. This was the last draft I made before I decided to scrap it and go with something easier:

1. Get better at being alone. Learn to enjoy doing things by myself. Be less dependent on others for my source of fun.
2. Make travel plans for someplace outside of the country. (I haven’t left the USA since 2007.)
3. Accept as many invitations as possible.
4. Continue to improve money management (keep credit cards paid off, pay down student loan as much as possible, set up house fund).
5. Go back to school.
6. Read at least one book a month.

I think it's interesting that several of my resolutions reflect my Confidence Goal. Somewhere in my subconscious, I've been heading in this direction all along. So maybe it wasn't such an impulsive decision after all! ;-)

Even though I'm not officially making these resolutions, I'm not quite ready to let them go. I think #4 and #5 are pretty important. Technically #4 is a carry-over from last year, which is why I used the word "continue." And going back to school is sort of a necessity. As a PA certified teacher, I'm expected to earn continuing education credits to keep my certificates current. Also, once I reach 30 credits, my salary gets bumped up. So it's win-win :)

Resolutions #1 and #3 might seem slightly contradictory, but there was a method to my madness. Last year, I resolved to improve my social life, and I think I succeeded. I just had to redefine my idea of "being social." My friends don't go dancing or clubbing anymore. There are no spontaneous girls' nights out, because babysitters need to be arranged, and schedules need to be cleared with husbands, etc. As a result, my new social life is made up of more low-key activities. It's not bad. I'm learning to like it. (But sometimes I really miss dancing.) So resolution #1 comes from my constant need to want to see people and do things. Being social isn't a bad thing, but sometimes I need to be alone and do things by myself. And #3 (which is my personal favorite) allows me to be social, but kind of forces me to branch out a bit.

As for #2 and #6... well, they're just fun. And having fun builds confidence, right?

So even though I'm not actually resolving to do any of these things, there's no harm in keeping them on the backburner.

Here we go again...

Happy New Year!

'Tis the season! Time to pull together a list of resolutions that you'll most likely forget about by March. Don't deny it, we're all guilty.

I'm trying something different this year. On New Year's Eve I sat down to write a list of resolutions... but the list wasn't really coming together as easily as I would have liked, so I put it aside and decided to come back to it later.

After midnight, I was still wide awake and bored, so I cruised through Youtube to find some good music... and I came across a Pink song that I've been loving: "Raise Your Glass." As I listened to it, I got all philosophical. (Cut me some slack, it was 1 AM and I'd had a few vodka drinks.) Anyway, the lyrics got me thinking about something that one of my co-workers does. She doesn't make a New Year's resolution. She chooses one thing to focus on for the year. She prays on it, she meditates on it, and she tries to practice it in everything she does that year.

Sounds simple, right? One goal, 365 days. I can do that.

So I decided my goal for the year is CONFIDENCE.

I don't have an actual plan of action... I just know that when I listened to the song and thought about the idea of focusing on one thing, "confidence" was the very first word that popped into my head. And sometimes you just gotta go with your gut.

After I announced my goal on Facebook last night, I got a lot of support from friends. I've also had a few discussions (online and in person) regarding my plan... or lack, thereof. Some interesting questions came out of those conversations.

~ How is confidence measured?
~ At the end of the year, how will I know if I was successful?
~ What am I going to do to practice confidence?

I have no answer for the first two questions (yet), but I started thinking about the last one. Some friends have offered advice. From Other Adrienne, the following: "Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself something great about you and also say I am a confident woman." She also said that a big part of it is not caring what others think. "Say, wear, do, be what you want to be without apology or worrying what the rest of the world thinks. Step out of the boat and onto the water, confidently."

Good advice. But easier said than done?

I spent a huge part of my life worrying about what other people think of me. Over the years, I managed to beat a lot of those insecurities down, but they resurface from time to time. And they have a tendency to be very persistent.

Joe and I talked about this last night... he's of the opinion that confidence can be faked. When I thought about it, it made sense. I've put on a good front before and managed to fool myself into thinking that things didn't bother me as much as they could have. Also, people have told me that they think I'm confident... which always makes me laugh, because that's the LAST word I'd use to describe myself. But if they see it, it must mean I fake it pretty damn well.

So do I base my level of confidence on how others see me? Is confidence as easy as fooling myself into thinking I'm awesome? If that's true, then why do I still feel like I need to work on my self-confidence? (By the way... Joe's other advice for worrying about what other people think? "Fuck 'em." I think I'll adopt that as my Confidence Mantra!)

It will be an interesting journey... but I can't wait to see where this will take me.