tiaras, spelunking , and the world's best pizza

Don't let the title confuse you. All will be revealed in this quite comprehensive post about Erin's Bachelorette Extravaganza.

The day began around 3-ish, when I collected Erin and her belongings. We made a brief pit-stop at Dunkin Donuts, to get an energy boost in the form of smoothie (for me) and black iced coffee (for Erin). We picked up Gina and then began our journey downtown, enjoying loud party tunes all the way.

We found a not-too-seedy parking lot, where we were informed that we needed to be back "before," or else we might have to pay extra. I tried to pin the man down on a specific time, but he was evasive. "Just be back here before," he said. "Man... You are three good looking ladies. Don't get to see ladies like you every day. They usually stick me in the ghetto." Um... okay, buddy... just give me my ticket and we'll be on our way. "You ladies going to party?" We nod. "I get off work at 6:30!" He laughs. "Okay, remember, just be back before."

And off we go to find our hotel. Upon our arrival, we see a sign saying we need to register in the bar. Okie dokie. So we go in and talk to the (very hot) Irish bartender , who showed us to our room, called The Betsy Ross Room. It was an experience. We opened the door and saw a table and two chairs. And another door. We opened that door and saw a tiny bathroom. And another door. We opened that door and saw a very small bedroom, with ONE bed and a small dresser. And another door. We opened that door and saw the hallway. Interesting.

We assessed the situation. Clearly, there was only one thing to do: drink. We went to the hotel bar and ordered some drinks. Erin informed us that the hotel advertised fresh flowers in every room, internet access and a piano in the hotel bar. We had a few good laughs about the quality of our accommodations. We agreed that Betsy Ross most likely drank herself to death in our room (thus accounting for the smell), and that her ghost haunts the hotel. Furthermore, in the evenings, Francis Scott Key descends into the bar from on high, playing a piano, to perform a stunning duet with Miss Betsy.

The rest of our party (Sam, MK and Tina) eventually met us at the hotel and after a wardrobe change (and a discussion about cleavage), we headed out to dinner at Rotten Ralph's (good food, bad name). From there, we went to the infamous Cave, where we met Karen and Heather. Let me say that I went into the Cave with the preconceived notion that strip clubs are skanky, nasty places with skanky nasty people (basing this opinion on the female strip club I've been to). I was SO wrong. The Cave was AWESOME. Okay, getting ahead of myself. When we got settled, Sam distributed the goody bags that we had assembled earlier in the week. We each got a cute little bag shaped like a lace trimmed teddy filled with condoms, lube, glow-in-the-dark bracelets, a candy necklace, an x-rated fortune cookie, a penis straw and a tiara! Erin got a special floofy, feathery crown and the rest of us got Disney princess tiaras. Woo-hoo!

And then the party began. This place is filled with HOT guys (most are probably gay, but whatever) whose job is to look good and flirt with the ladies. (I want to hire them to walk around my house and do that...) And flirt they did. Within five minutes of being there, one guy came over to me, put one arm around me, put a hand on my thigh and started talking in my ear. So... yeah ... um... I didnt really hear anything he said for the first minute or two. Ahem. But then I focused and realized that he wanted to steal Erin to demonstrate a body shot onstage. Tee hee. After that, it was all a blur of dancing and drinking champagne and watching the hot dancing guys (with damn impressive upside down moves ) and doing shots and eating penis cakes and watching Erin get a lap dance and the grabbing of various body parts. Much fun was had by all.

When the show was over, we went to the attached dance club, which sucked. It wasnt very crowded, there weren't many guys (of course, since it was a male strip club), and they had a very strict liquor policy. Heather and I had to stay behind a gate around the bar with our drinks. We werent allowed on or near the dance floor. Stupid. So I didn't get to dance at all, which pissed me off. Then we lost Gina briefly, and when we found her, everyone was ready to leave. We headed back to the hotel, making a pit stop at Soho's, which Tina claimed had the world's best pizza. And she was right. It was incredibly tasty. I highly recommend it... but not after several glasses of champagne and many fruity shots.

Then back to the hotel where 5 of us planned to sleep. Considering how drunk we were, the assignment of sleeping arrangements went smoothly. We stripped the comforter and fuzzy blanket off the bed and found an extra pillow in the closet. Gina and Karen slept on the floor in the sitting room, Heather took the floor in the bedroom, and Erin and I shared the bed (but she stole the sheet and most of the pillow). It was, as Heather put it, "hot as balls" in the room, seeing as how there was no a/c, no fan, and a sign on the window that said "Do not open."

But somehow we managed to sleep. Woke up around 8, left at around 10. And the rest of my day was spent nursing a hangover on the couch.

So there you have it. A very detailed look inside Erin's last night of freedom. Okay... who's getting married next? We need another trip to the Cave!!!