them good old catholic boys

Back in November, I wrote a blog about a creepy guy who tried to talk to me and Karen at the Blarney. I was appalled that he opened with a conversation about the bathroom. As it turns out, he had nothing on this next guy. Drunk Catholic school teachers never cease to amaze me...

This past weekend, I was at a conference in NJ. I expected it to be all women (it was geared toward Catholic school teachers who teach grades K-3), so I was pleasantly surprised to see two young men at the first session. On Saturday night, everyone gathered in the dining hall for dinner, open bar and the Eagles game. Emphasis on "open bar." After the disappointing loss (boo... hisss... ), most of the older crowd went to bed while the remaining 30 or so people stuck around for a few more drinks.

I was sitting at the bar with my friend Amy from work, who is the only other person in our faculty close to my age. I was debating another drink, when I noticed one of the young guys stumble up to the bar. He was the better looking of the two guys (in my opinion, anyway). He stood next to my stool and ordered a drink, while I chatted with Amy. During a lull in our conversation, he recognized the song that was playing, ("Come on Eileen"), and decided to tell us that it reminded him of his mother, because they always dance to it. I took that opportunity to ask him where he worked and what grade he taught, thinking he might still be capable of somewhat decent conversation, despite his obviously intoxicated state. I was wrong. It started out okay. He told us that he teaches fourth grade boys.

"Wow, all boys?" I replied.

"Yeah," he answered, swaying slightly. "And they fart ALL THE TIME."

I glanced at Amy, who was trying to contain her laughter.

"Well, that doesn't sound good," I said, hoping his mention of his students' bodily functions was just a momentay lapse in judgement.

"Everytime I teach a lesson, one of them farts. Every time!" (Here, he paused to demonstrate the farting noise. I swear I am not making this up.) "And it smells. All they do is fart, all the time!"

At this point, Amy is no longer making eye contact with him. She's clearly both disgusted and amused. Since it's already gone this far, I figure I might as well keep going.

"See, that's why I could never teach anything above 3rd grade," I said, hoping to salvage whatever was left of this conversation.

He hits me on the arm, presumably to get my attention. "Yo, this one time when I was in college, my roommate was sitting on the floor... he was so fucked up! And I walked past him and I got right in his face, and then I farted. And it was a dirty, nasty fart!" He says this last part proudly, as if he's achieved something incredible.

Amy and I were both laughing now (and no longer hiding it), but that didn't stop him from continuing the story.

"Yeah, so I thought, maybe if I don't go around farting in my friend's face then my 4th graders won't fart in my classroom!" Wow. That's some logic he's got there.

Some of our other co-workers joined us at the bar then, so he eventually stumbled back to his seat. We didn't hear from him again for the rest of the night.

The sad part is, he had potential. He was in his twenties, good-looking, reasonably intelligent (or so I assumed prior to our conversation), has a job... and then he got drunk enough to regale two complete strangers with tales of his flatulent class. I just don't get men.

new year, new me?

I don't much care for New Year's resolutions. I've always held the belief that people who wait until a new year to make a resolution have no real intention of keeping it. Otherwise, they would have just done it already. If it's May and I decide I need to put money aside for a vacation, I would start doing it that month... not wait half a year to start it. So it goes without saying that I don't actually make New Year's resolutions.

However, I've been thinking about making some changes lately. Some of this has been brewing for awhile, but I put it all on the back burner while I was in grad school. Now that I'm finished school, I have more time to think about what I want to do with my life, specifically two areas.

Living Situation
While I was in grad school, I didn't give much thought to the fact that I'm still living with my parents. It didn't bother me, and I had too many school-related expenses to be able to afford my own place. But now it's starting to bother me. I need more space. I need independence. And I can count on one hand the number of friends I have who still live with their parents. My problem with moving out is that I'm not sure I can afford it. I'd need a roommate (but who?), and I'd need more money. Which leads me to...

Career
Anyone who knows me knows that I adore my career as well as my current job. But the reality is, I'm just not making enough money working at a Catholic school. If I worked in a public school or a suburban school, I'd be making twice as much as I am now. I had originally planned to stay there for at least another year... maybe more... but the more I think about it, the more I know that I need to find a job that will allow me to be more financially comfortable. That just kills me, though. I can't stomach the thought of leaving, but I know I can't stay there forever. (Unless of course, I marry a rich man. Or win the lottery.) So my new plan is to finish out this school year while looking for another job. Just to see what's out there. And I'm also going to update my resume, make sure my portfolio is in order, get some letters of recommendation, take my Praxis test and apply for the reading specialist certification. Doesn't hurt to be prepared.

And just for fun, a third area in need of some improvement...

Social Life
Ugh. UGH. Over the past two years, I've managed to rekindle some friendships. As a result, my social calendar has been filling up left and right with parties, shopping trips, bar outings, and other fun things. It's awesome. I definitely don't have a shortage of people to call when I feel like hanging out. But as far as a "love life" goes... well, that's where the UGH comes in. I have no idea where to meet men. I teach in a Catholic elementary school, which is largely staffed by women. (We have exactly three men on staff - the older married ESL teacher, the pastor, and the custodian. The rest are mostly older married women and nuns.) When I was in grad school, my major was Education and my concentration was Reading. My classes were filled with women. It's very rare to find men in the field of elementary education. And I have never met a man at a bar. So where are they? People keep telling me that I should try the online dating thing. But... oh man. I don't know. I just can't see myself doing it. I'm not judging those who do, I'm just saying I don't know if I can. So at the moment, I have no goals in this area. I suppose I should make one. I need help.

So there you have it. Some long term plans and goals for my life.