them good old catholic boys

Back in November, I wrote a blog about a creepy guy who tried to talk to me and Karen at the Blarney. I was appalled that he opened with a conversation about the bathroom. As it turns out, he had nothing on this next guy. Drunk Catholic school teachers never cease to amaze me...

This past weekend, I was at a conference in NJ. I expected it to be all women (it was geared toward Catholic school teachers who teach grades K-3), so I was pleasantly surprised to see two young men at the first session. On Saturday night, everyone gathered in the dining hall for dinner, open bar and the Eagles game. Emphasis on "open bar." After the disappointing loss (boo... hisss... ), most of the older crowd went to bed while the remaining 30 or so people stuck around for a few more drinks.

I was sitting at the bar with my friend Amy from work, who is the only other person in our faculty close to my age. I was debating another drink, when I noticed one of the young guys stumble up to the bar. He was the better looking of the two guys (in my opinion, anyway). He stood next to my stool and ordered a drink, while I chatted with Amy. During a lull in our conversation, he recognized the song that was playing, ("Come on Eileen"), and decided to tell us that it reminded him of his mother, because they always dance to it. I took that opportunity to ask him where he worked and what grade he taught, thinking he might still be capable of somewhat decent conversation, despite his obviously intoxicated state. I was wrong. It started out okay. He told us that he teaches fourth grade boys.

"Wow, all boys?" I replied.

"Yeah," he answered, swaying slightly. "And they fart ALL THE TIME."

I glanced at Amy, who was trying to contain her laughter.

"Well, that doesn't sound good," I said, hoping his mention of his students' bodily functions was just a momentay lapse in judgement.

"Everytime I teach a lesson, one of them farts. Every time!" (Here, he paused to demonstrate the farting noise. I swear I am not making this up.) "And it smells. All they do is fart, all the time!"

At this point, Amy is no longer making eye contact with him. She's clearly both disgusted and amused. Since it's already gone this far, I figure I might as well keep going.

"See, that's why I could never teach anything above 3rd grade," I said, hoping to salvage whatever was left of this conversation.

He hits me on the arm, presumably to get my attention. "Yo, this one time when I was in college, my roommate was sitting on the floor... he was so fucked up! And I walked past him and I got right in his face, and then I farted. And it was a dirty, nasty fart!" He says this last part proudly, as if he's achieved something incredible.

Amy and I were both laughing now (and no longer hiding it), but that didn't stop him from continuing the story.

"Yeah, so I thought, maybe if I don't go around farting in my friend's face then my 4th graders won't fart in my classroom!" Wow. That's some logic he's got there.

Some of our other co-workers joined us at the bar then, so he eventually stumbled back to his seat. We didn't hear from him again for the rest of the night.

The sad part is, he had potential. He was in his twenties, good-looking, reasonably intelligent (or so I assumed prior to our conversation), has a job... and then he got drunk enough to regale two complete strangers with tales of his flatulent class. I just don't get men.

new year, new me?

I don't much care for New Year's resolutions. I've always held the belief that people who wait until a new year to make a resolution have no real intention of keeping it. Otherwise, they would have just done it already. If it's May and I decide I need to put money aside for a vacation, I would start doing it that month... not wait half a year to start it. So it goes without saying that I don't actually make New Year's resolutions.

However, I've been thinking about making some changes lately. Some of this has been brewing for awhile, but I put it all on the back burner while I was in grad school. Now that I'm finished school, I have more time to think about what I want to do with my life, specifically two areas.

Living Situation
While I was in grad school, I didn't give much thought to the fact that I'm still living with my parents. It didn't bother me, and I had too many school-related expenses to be able to afford my own place. But now it's starting to bother me. I need more space. I need independence. And I can count on one hand the number of friends I have who still live with their parents. My problem with moving out is that I'm not sure I can afford it. I'd need a roommate (but who?), and I'd need more money. Which leads me to...

Career
Anyone who knows me knows that I adore my career as well as my current job. But the reality is, I'm just not making enough money working at a Catholic school. If I worked in a public school or a suburban school, I'd be making twice as much as I am now. I had originally planned to stay there for at least another year... maybe more... but the more I think about it, the more I know that I need to find a job that will allow me to be more financially comfortable. That just kills me, though. I can't stomach the thought of leaving, but I know I can't stay there forever. (Unless of course, I marry a rich man. Or win the lottery.) So my new plan is to finish out this school year while looking for another job. Just to see what's out there. And I'm also going to update my resume, make sure my portfolio is in order, get some letters of recommendation, take my Praxis test and apply for the reading specialist certification. Doesn't hurt to be prepared.

And just for fun, a third area in need of some improvement...

Social Life
Ugh. UGH. Over the past two years, I've managed to rekindle some friendships. As a result, my social calendar has been filling up left and right with parties, shopping trips, bar outings, and other fun things. It's awesome. I definitely don't have a shortage of people to call when I feel like hanging out. But as far as a "love life" goes... well, that's where the UGH comes in. I have no idea where to meet men. I teach in a Catholic elementary school, which is largely staffed by women. (We have exactly three men on staff - the older married ESL teacher, the pastor, and the custodian. The rest are mostly older married women and nuns.) When I was in grad school, my major was Education and my concentration was Reading. My classes were filled with women. It's very rare to find men in the field of elementary education. And I have never met a man at a bar. So where are they? People keep telling me that I should try the online dating thing. But... oh man. I don't know. I just can't see myself doing it. I'm not judging those who do, I'm just saying I don't know if I can. So at the moment, I have no goals in this area. I suppose I should make one. I need help.

So there you have it. Some long term plans and goals for my life.

Girls' Night Out

At Sam's annual holiday party on Thursday night, we collectively decided that we needed to go dancing. Spontaneous planning ensued, resulting in last night's excursion to The Road House Inn in Bensalem. And yes, it's just as dive-y as it sounds. But it had all the makings of a fun evening - no cover, awesome music, cheap drinks, an oddly-positioned vent that tousled our hair about (thus creating the effect of a bad 80s music video). There were seven of us in attendance (at first, anyway), and we all looked hot. (Then again... when don't we?) We drank and danced and danced and drank... and then danced some more. Karen has posted the evening's highlights on her blog, and I'll list my own here:

* The seven of us split a chocolate candy cane martini... which tastes just as spectacular as it sounds. I'm going to search the Internet high and low to find a similiar recipe so I can make my own at home.
* The DJ stopped the music to announce the death of Saddam Hussein. The crowd erupted in cheers and toasts. Then the music resumed and Saddam was forgotten.
* I'm not much for drunk dialing, but drunk texting on the other hand... Yeah, I'm guilty of that big time.
* After several drunk texts from me, Joe showed up sometime around 1 AM, with hat firmly planted on his head. He wasted no time getting his dance on.
* And while we're on the subject... Sam danced!!! Yay!!!
* Inara and Steph sported eerily similar outfits and then swore that it wasn't planned.
* Lots of beverage-related paraphernalia wound up in cleavage. For reasons unbeknownst to me, Kim decided to stick her bottle of Smirnoff Ice in my cleavage. Later, ice cubes were dropped (or thrown) down shirts.

All in all... it was a kickass good time. We must do it again very soon.

out with the old

As 2006 winds down, I've found myself thinking about what I've done this year. It's only natural to compare oneself with other people and unfortunately, that's what I started doing today. I thought of all the people I know ... some got into serious relationships, some got engaged or married, some got pregnant or had a baby, some got promoted or found a better, higher-paying job, some moved into new houses or apartments, some went on fabulous vacations.

Well... by way of comparison, my love life is still non-existent, so no boyfriends, fiances or husbands here. Which means no pregnancies or babies, either. Still working at the same place, which means I'm making basically no money, which means I'm still living at home... so no new house. And no fabulous trips, either. I've been to New Jersey and New York and that's about the extent of my travels this year.

(Fear not, dear reader! This is not a pity party! I just wanted to set the mood for what will no doubt be the uplifting portion of this post.)

This line of thinking threatened to put me in a foul state of mind. I firmly believe in the power of positive thinking, so I decided to make a list of all the things I've accomplished this year, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Behold! My year-in-review:

• Took two grad school courses during spring semester while also working full-time. Got an A in both courses.
• Took three summer courses while also working summer camp. Got an A in all three courses.
• Took Reading Clinic (similar to student teaching) in fall semester while working full-time. Got an A in the course.
• Finished grad school.
• Continued to work at catholic school (this is my 6th year there).

And that is all. I mean, I could add more. Like, "I didn't get into any car accidents." Or, "The stomach flu completely missed me!" But those sound more like chance than accomplishment. No matter. I will end the year celebrating the things I have done, and I look forward to enjoying a prosperous 2007!

Remember what I said about candles?

So the holiday season is upon us... and that means the candle-count is officially on. For those of you not in the know, there are a number of typical "teacher" gifts that parents and students have been known to rely on. Example one: the mug filled with candy. As was stated in a previous blog, the candy is never anything of high (or even slightly mediocre) quality, but instead, the cheap foil-wrapped strawberries (which I despise) or those generic butterscotch candies. And in my neighborhood, I get the candies with labels printed in Spanish. Some hard candies with fruit flavored fillings. Ick.

Then there's example two: body lotion/shower gel. I'm not opposed to being clean or having soft hands. But when said lotions come from the dollar store, I'm hesitant to use them on my sensitive skin. And they always come in scents that make my eyes water... floral scents or musky fragrances. Not my type at all.

Which brings us to popular teacher-gift number three: the candle. I just started getting gifts from my students today... out of six gifts, four were candles. Two huge pillar candles (one scented, one unscented but decorated in gold swirls), one small jar candle (black cherry) and one tiny taper candle that came with a glass candle holder that resembles a funky shot glass. In fact, I might just trash the candle and convince Joe to make me up a batch of Funky Cold Medina for my new "shot glass."

For those of you who have children and are wondering what their teacher might appreciate for Christmas, here's a no-fail list, from me to you. Gift card to any restaurant. Gift card to Target, Walmart, Kmart or similar store where she might be able to purchase classroom supplies. Gift card to any book store... or, if you're so inclined, buy a few books for her classroom library. Gift card to Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks. Home-baked goodies are always appreciated. If you want to be really generous, offer your time in the classroom. Any teacher would be happy to have an extra pair of hands for a few hours a week. You could cut patterns, file papers, read with children, stamp homework, make copies... the possibilities are endless. But please... I BEG of you... no more candles!

I don't mind the hustle... it's the bustle that gets to me.

I am the Queen of Procrastination. Well... maybe I'm the Princess. (According to my first graders, princesses are cuter than queens. And it's a well-known fact that six-year-old girls are the leading authority on all things trendy.) There are nine days until Christmas, and just today I started my Christmas shopping. I have to admit... my heart just isn't in it this year. About a month ago, my family started asking me what I want for Christmas, and I wasn't able to give them much in the way of an answer. It was easier when I was a kid. Books, toys, clothes, tapes. Now that I'm older and have my own money, I buy what I want when I want it. I download my own music. I choose and buy my own clothes. So I couldn't think of anything I really needed.

I also have no idea what to get my family and friends. Today I hit Target, hoping to get some gift ideas - and maybe even a gift or two. I didn't do too badly, all things considered. I managed to get something for my mother, my father, my brother, a cousin, my work pollyanna, and my friend pollyanna. I'm not done, but at least it's a start. There are a few people I still need to buy for. I have friends who get me a present every year, and of course I have to reciprocate. I never know what to get them, so I have to go out and look for something that isn't too similar to something I got them in years past. And I try to get all creative. One year it was homemade baked goods, packaged neatly in a decorative basket. One year it was a movie theme - popcorn, giant candy bars, movie theater gift card. A nighttime theme - flannel pjs, mug, hot cocoa mix. (You know me and my themes.) It seems like gift cards are the "easy way out," but I feel like it's so impersonal. I like buying and wrapping gifts. I don't want to just shove a gift card into an envelope. I want ribbons and bows, gift tags and tissue paper. The only gift that was easy to buy was my pollyanna gift, because the person wrote down exactly what to buy. Done and done.

Screw it. If I can't find anything, everyone's just getting a bottle of booze and a hearty "Merry Christmas!"

Bah humbug :)

light it up

I was cleaning out my closet last weekend and I found a shitload of votive candles that I bought and never burned. They were all stored together in one box, thus rendering their scent indeterminable. They all smell like potpourri, no matter what their individual labels read. Then there are those sans labels. It's like the mystery flavor Dum-Dum lollipop... is it apple? rose? mango? grandma's kitchen? Damned if I know.

As a teacher, I get about a gazillion candles as gifts every year (they're as popular as dollar store religious figurines or mugs filled with those foil-wrapped strawberry candies that no one likes), and I don't burn them as often as I used to. I decided that they were going to waste sitting in the box, so I pulled out a few that looked Christmas-y (clove, pine, hollyberry) along with a few of the mystery scents, determined to finally get my money's worth.

So now I'm sitting in my room with three votive candles lit (plus a pillar candle that's been collecting dust since a former student gave it to me two years ago). I've got the lights off to better appreciate the candles' glow. It's rather nice, actually. Soothing. Relaxing.

There's just something about votive candles that makes me nostalgic for college. Reminds me of sitting in my dorm room, listening to Counting Crows ("August and Everything After," most likely)... or in the living room of the apartment at La Salle, talking on the phone to my boyfriend-at-the-time and listening to Fiona Apple ("Tidal"), after my roommates had gone to bed.

Good times. Good times indeed.