sing we now of christmas...

Eight days til Christmas!!!

I'm sure that by now you've heard every Christmas carol known to man. Some are classics, some are fun, and some... well, some don't deserve any air time, in my humble opinion. Allow me to list these for you, in no particular order.

1. "Christmas Shoes" - To quote Sam... "Please sir, I need some shoes for my dead mom so she looks good in her coffin. Merry Christmas."

2. Barbra Streisand's version of "Jingle Bells." Normally I love Babs, but this one is just too much for me. Especially the rousing ending where she speeds up the tempo and sounds like she's stuttering. No thank you.

3. Anything by Michael Bolton. That no-talent ass-clown.

4. Anything by Celine Dion. Especially her "Feliz Navidad." She's French Canadian, for Pete's sake! (I mean, for Pierre's sake!) Why is she singing in Spanish?

5. "Same Old Lang Syne," by the recently deceased Dan Fogelberg. I actually like this song, on some strange level. But it has very little to do with Christmas, and it's depressing as all get out.

5. Kenny Loggins, "Celebrate Me Home." I just don't get the words. Is it supposed to mean, "Celebrate the fact that I've come home"? Or "Welcome me home"? Or "Celebrate my home"? It reminds me of the "Will and Grace" episode when they're at the gym and Will sees a guy he went out with once who asked him, "Will you cuddle me bum?" If you've never seen that episode, that won't be very funny at all. Sorry. (Stake it, UK!)

6. Anything by Neil Diamond. He's Jewish. Why is he singing about the birth of Jesus if he doesn't believe in any of it? Oh right... for the money. Ah, commercialism. The TRUE meaning of Christmas.

7. Bruce Springstein's Christmas songs. "I just wanna say... I just wanna say... umm... wait, it'll come to me." I just can't stand the man.

Honorable mention goes to the following songs for their ridiculous lyrics:

1. "Wonderful Christmastime," by Paul McCartney. It's just so bouncy and synthesized... and the choir of children refrain ("ding dong ding dong ding dong...") is extremely annoying.

2. "Little Saint Nick," by the Beach Boys. "Christmas comes this time each year..." Thank you, Captain Obvious. When else would it come?

3. "Do They Know it's Christmas?" by BandAid. "Tonight thank God it's them instead of you." It just sounds so heartless. Hey everyone, pack your bags... we're going on a guilt trip!

I'm sure there are more that I've forgotten, so expect many addendums to this list. And feel free to comment and add your own!