Here we go again...

Happy New Year!

'Tis the season! Time to pull together a list of resolutions that you'll most likely forget about by March. Don't deny it, we're all guilty.

I'm trying something different this year. On New Year's Eve I sat down to write a list of resolutions... but the list wasn't really coming together as easily as I would have liked, so I put it aside and decided to come back to it later.

After midnight, I was still wide awake and bored, so I cruised through Youtube to find some good music... and I came across a Pink song that I've been loving: "Raise Your Glass." As I listened to it, I got all philosophical. (Cut me some slack, it was 1 AM and I'd had a few vodka drinks.) Anyway, the lyrics got me thinking about something that one of my co-workers does. She doesn't make a New Year's resolution. She chooses one thing to focus on for the year. She prays on it, she meditates on it, and she tries to practice it in everything she does that year.

Sounds simple, right? One goal, 365 days. I can do that.

So I decided my goal for the year is CONFIDENCE.

I don't have an actual plan of action... I just know that when I listened to the song and thought about the idea of focusing on one thing, "confidence" was the very first word that popped into my head. And sometimes you just gotta go with your gut.

After I announced my goal on Facebook last night, I got a lot of support from friends. I've also had a few discussions (online and in person) regarding my plan... or lack, thereof. Some interesting questions came out of those conversations.

~ How is confidence measured?
~ At the end of the year, how will I know if I was successful?
~ What am I going to do to practice confidence?

I have no answer for the first two questions (yet), but I started thinking about the last one. Some friends have offered advice. From Other Adrienne, the following: "Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself something great about you and also say I am a confident woman." She also said that a big part of it is not caring what others think. "Say, wear, do, be what you want to be without apology or worrying what the rest of the world thinks. Step out of the boat and onto the water, confidently."

Good advice. But easier said than done?

I spent a huge part of my life worrying about what other people think of me. Over the years, I managed to beat a lot of those insecurities down, but they resurface from time to time. And they have a tendency to be very persistent.

Joe and I talked about this last night... he's of the opinion that confidence can be faked. When I thought about it, it made sense. I've put on a good front before and managed to fool myself into thinking that things didn't bother me as much as they could have. Also, people have told me that they think I'm confident... which always makes me laugh, because that's the LAST word I'd use to describe myself. But if they see it, it must mean I fake it pretty damn well.

So do I base my level of confidence on how others see me? Is confidence as easy as fooling myself into thinking I'm awesome? If that's true, then why do I still feel like I need to work on my self-confidence? (By the way... Joe's other advice for worrying about what other people think? "Fuck 'em." I think I'll adopt that as my Confidence Mantra!)

It will be an interesting journey... but I can't wait to see where this will take me.